Is Facebook and a cellphone bad for my kid? 04/06/2010
As the parent of an almost teenager (twelve going on eighteen), I am interested in recent suggestions in the media that Facebook and texting are having a negative effect on youth in this country. Firstly, 60 minutes had an interesting clip about the death of 15 year old Michael Treffers from King’s College. http://www.3news.co.nz/Kings-Casualty/tabid/371/articleID/158913/Default.aspx Around the 8 ½ min mark they address teenagers’ obsession with Facebook and with wanting to know each other’s movements all day. It appears that Michael was off to bed for the night when a text and/or Facebook request came through and consequently he was off out the bedroom window. While I suspect that there were a lot of other factors that resulted in his death, it does raise some issues. The chaplain of King’s College, Warner Wilder, feels that teens “are exposed to all of this before they are emotionally ready to take it on” and that there is “a danger in teenagers being able to say whatever they like to whoever they like.” I believe his points are valid. Our teens put loads of information about themselves onto Facebook and are then wide open to all sorts of comments from their peer group – and believe me the opinion of their peers matters immensely to them and they are at an age when self confidence is never more fragile. Face to face interactions in the real world allow for context and for subtle facial expressions, voice tone and body language cues to play their part. We use these things to know, for example, when it is appropriate to have someone on and when it isn’t. We use them to determine whether someone is joking or serious. However with Facebook you can say anything, anytime. There is also that barrier between people that makes it easier to come out and say something quite antagonistic – people often tend to communicate something they would have been afraid to say face to face. And of course, Facebook and texting only allow for a limited number of words so communication is abbreviated and as a consequence is wide open to misinterpretation. I also heard on Radio Live (http://www.radiolive.co.nz/Audio/tabid/109/Default.aspx) yesterday morning about a recent study out of America concluding that their teenagers have become more narcissistic, confident, and less empathetic (http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/798611--debate-rages-over-teen-narcissism) . Callers to the talkback show spoke of young people’s obsession with Facebook and relating this to self-obsession, with posting multiple photos of themselves and updating everyone with their every move. It’s all about me: getting me out there, getting lots of ‘friends’ (wait for the T-Shirt: Facebook, re-defining ‘Friend’ since 1990), getting a bit of Facebook fame. And why bother actually getting involved with helping a charity when I can just click to say I like it and I’ll look good. It seems to me that teenagers can’t win : they are condemned if they want to know what everyone else is doing yet are labelled selfish if they spend too much time focussing on themselves. They are expected to ‘find themselves’ during these years but are not allowed to self obsess. We screen television content that is all about appearance and success yet we expect them to be content with how they are. But I digress...what is a parent to do regarding these technologies? Personally I don’t believe in trying to ban them from computers or cellphones. Don’t forget that at present we are ‘celebrating’ 50 years of television in New Zealand yet when that first began many labelled it as ‘evil.’ Take some time to acknowledge the positive benefits of Facebook and texting: · I can use these technologies to know what my teenager is up to. My mum had to lie awake wondering but I can flick off an “are you ok?” text at 1 am and check her last Facebook entry . I can go out with my cell and know that we can contact each other at any time or place (don’t mention XT!) · Teens actually use Facebook to support one another. Tribute pages sprung up immediately after the deaths of the King’s College students – those involved can share how they are feeling and feel a little less alone in their grief. I saw teens recently encouraging each other via Facebook during the 40 hour famine. · Facebook pages can be used to facilitate good actions. Here in Blenheim recently a Facebook page was used to co-ordinate help for a family that lost everything in a house fire. · When you have an argument with your kids about an issue you can put it out to something like “Yahoo answers” and let the world answer it....then sneak in under an alias, put your view in and they will actually listen to it! · The phone line is always free for us old fashioned adults to call folk. Cell phones and computers are tools of our age and teens need instead to be taught about the risks and given strategies to help them. Parents need to be aware and to keep talking to their kids about the risks. This means embracing the technology yourself so that you are familiar with it and so that you can communicate with them through it and about it. My daughter and I discuss things such as the sorts of things friends have commented on our pages. Sometimes I ask her advice - such as “Have you worked out how to delete a photo?” and that way she asks me things too. Through these chats we have covered things like: * what it really means to be a friend * how easy it is to misinterpret texts and/or Facebook comments *how things can be shared to a much wider audience (don’t write anything you couldn’t cope with seeing in the newspaper) * how it’s important to treat others as you’d like to be treated – that one come up when she asked me to take a photo of her off my site, I thought it was cute, she didn’t! * how employers might use the site * dodgy people * and pausing to think before you click - current issues such as like-jacking which has popped up recently I also think teenage use of these technologies needs to be moderated in just the same way as television is or should be. It can become addictive for anyone and too much time spent on it does come at the expense of other great activities. Our family are about to head off into the beautiful Marlborough Sounds for some time out from technology and some time interacting with friends. The kids can’t wait – although they love their technology they still prefer to interact with their mates face to face. I bet if we didn’t have friends coming who have kids their age, they’d be battling to bring along the cellphone. I suspect that part of the appeal of Facebook to teens that we resist as parents is simply our resistance to the reality that young people reach an age when they’d far rather hang out and /or interact with their peers than us! CommentsSteff Southey 05/06/2010 12:26am
Interesting article and quite timely as we have a son begging for a Facebook page. I understand that that will be world he lives in as an adult and personally would like to be a part of it - a. to connect with him and b. to keep an eye on him. Jacinda 05/06/2010 1:52am
He Steff, thanks for your comments. Yes its hard to know what age is the 'right' age - technically Facebook users are supposed to be 13, ie they have to state their age as 13 or over to sign up, however in reality heaps join before then - you know how attractive rule breaking is! I know kids who have been on since 7. And the 'norm' keeps getting younger. I let mine join when she could name ten of her mates on there and I checked through my Facebook. You know how kids love to exploit the 'everyones doing it' thing :-)I guess the later the better but there comes a point when if you ban it they will sign up on someone elses computer. I think your last line sums it up - better them on there with their parents in the loop than sneaking about. There is some more discussion on this over on Nigel Latta's Facebook page (under Discussions) Leave a Reply |
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